Mindset matters. And this is especially true when coping with a chronic illness. Subtle shifts in your mindset can dramatically alter your experience. This is because thoughts become words, and words become actions. We end up becoming what we think.
Am I claiming that you can heal from your chronic illness by thinking positive thoughts? Absolutely not. Chronic illnesses are real, physical and deserving of appropriate diagnosis and treatment.
However, the mind, body & soul are intrinsically connected in ways we cannot even begin to fathom. We can either help or hinder our body on its healing journey with the thoughts we think and the mindsets we cultivate.
1. Cultivate Balance
Balance is key to coping with chronic illness.
We can be utterly inundated with messages of toxic positivity. These messages repeatedly tell us that in order to have a good life we must only think positive thoughts and have ‘good vibes only’.
The problem is that the human mind is far more complex than that. We have positive and negative thoughts. The human soul carries both positive and negative experiences. The human body experiences both wellness and illness.
To develop a healthy mind, we need to acknowledge and honour both the good & the bad. One of the most effective ways to do this is by learning to experience the emotion without becoming the emotion.
Experiencing Emotions vs Becoming Emotions
Experiencing an emotion means that you acknowledge the emotion or sensation by naming it. You might say “I am feeling out of control” or “today I have a lot of pain”. You then follow it up with “…and that’s alright”. This small act of compassion for yourself allows you to have this emotion/sensation and to not have to fight it.
Becoming an emotion occurs when you either don’t acknowledge it (push it down or try to push through) or don’t give yourself permission to feel what you feel (I can’t afford to rest because I have so much to do today). The result of this is that the emotion or sensation becomes trapped rather than passing through.
When you give yourself the space and permission to feel whatever it is that you feel, you can move on with your day without it consuming you. If you’re in a lot of pain today, but that’s alright, you’ll probably change your schedule to accomodate your needs. If you don’t, you’ll probably struggle through (bad) or berate yourself (also bad).
2. Grieve for What's Been Lost
Having a chronic illness can feel as though your very self is lost. I personally experienced my life shrinking dramatically – I lost my independence, I lost my social life, I no longer recognised my body, the hobbies I loved so much were no longer possible & my self worth plummeted.
I was clinging to who I was pre-Lyme, and holding onto the notion that if only I could get better I would go back to who I was. Little did I know that grieving that loss was integral to my healing.
Now that I’m on the other side of Lyme and I’m very nearly in remission, I look over my life and I see how different it is to what I imagined. I also see that the old plans I had just don’t fit with my new body & life. Some just no longer make sense, whilst others are just no longer possible as my body has changed due to Lyme. For example, my joints have been damaged, which means that hiking for hours just isn’t an option for me anymore.
I had to grieve all that loss and finally come to a place where I could accept that there had been an unexpected plot twist in the story of my life. Then I had to learn to love the life I have.
When I was very sick, this was hard. Some days the only things I could find to be grateful for were a cup of coffee or a soft pillow. But as I cultivated that acceptance, I was able to find more to be grateful for. Now, I love the community I’ve found and I adore the work I do to raise awareness for Lyme, and the free treatment clinics I run has been a way for me to convert my pain into purpose. And I wouldn’t change it for the world.
3. It's Not All or Nothing
This may apply to some more than others, but if you’re the type of person who’s very goal oriented, it can be difficult to be flexible with yourself.
It’s time to cut yourself some slack!
I love a clean home. In fact, I’m one of those people that actually enjoys cleaning. For me, a clean home means a place of peace & sanctuary, and I find it hard to relax if I’m surrounded by clutter. Typically, I’d want to get everything nice and tidy before I sit down to relax. Lyme had other plans!
I quickly had to learn to prioritise my to-do list and give myself a pass if I left the washing up until the next day, because tidying up the living room was going to have to bigger impact on my mental well-being that day. I realised that sometimes, it’s OK to be in a grey area for a while.
Another very important area is with treatment protocols. There are going to be days that you don’t eat the perfect diet, or follow the perfect detox regime, or have the perfect sleep. In those times, it can feel overwhelming and as if you’re on a slippery slope downwards. When you feel like that, it’s important to stop. Give yourself permission to be imperfect, and do what you can. Forgive yourself if you didn’t do quite as well as you’d hoped.
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4. Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude
Before I started a gratitude practice, I used to wonder how it could help. How could it help finding one thing to be grateful for in the midst of everything else going wrong? How could thoughts of gratitude help me in coping with a chronic illness? Grudgingly I began to give it a go. It started off with just saying to myself that I was grateful for my coffee, or a nice meal.
After a while, magic began to happen. It was eye opening just how profound the effect was on my mind, body & soul. The only way I can describe it is like having the blinkers removed. Before, I could only see what was in front of me – pain, fatigue, all the limitations. When I began to widen my field of view and acknowledge the other things in my life that were good it didn’t mean that the struggles disappeared but they were framed in a more balanced way.
The usual advice is to start off by writing in a journal each day. If you think this will help you then go for it! That didn’t appeal to me, so I just made a point every time I felt overwhelmed to note one thing that I was grateful for whilst taking a deep breath.
Mindset & Coping with Chronic Illness: Final Thoughts
Mindset matters, but don’t fall into the trap of believing that you should only be thinking positive thoughts. Give space to both the positive and negative, cut yourself some slack and find some little things to be grateful for each day. You may be surprised.
Have you implemented any of these mindset changes? I’d love to hear from you – let me know in the comments below!
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